It has been quite a long time since last update. I have a couple of different things to address, but my thoughts are bouncing around from topic to topic, so hopefully this post will make a small amount of sense to the people who read it.
Priorities
Throughout my couple of years of having a blog, I sometimes post revelations that may seem obvious to some people, but they just hit me. My latest version of this has to do with the way people set their priorities. I guess it’s just amazing to me that someone’s priorities can be so different from my own, and yet I don’t think that any one person’s priorities are the same as another person’s. That’s pretty vague and I guess not all that insightful, but to go into detail could offend more than one of the people that might read this.
Relationships in the Fall
Fall is my absolute least favorite time to be single, especially on cold and rainy days. There’s just something about the leaves turning and the weather begining to get colder that makes me crave a person to cuddle with, or to sit, watch a movie, and hold hands with. That craving is often my downfall when it comes to fall relationships also, like my latest incident with Mark: Mark is truly a sweet guy, and someone that I could trust no matter what. Tracey, Mark, and I were watching a movie at Tracey’s apartment and he went to grab my hand, unfortunately I didn’t stop him… and this has led to about a week of him begining to obsess over me. Honestly I considered the possiblility of the two of us together, though I came back to reality shortly. Mark and myself would never work, and hopefully he wasn’t too hurt when I expressed this to him.
I would still love to have someone to hug and spend my time with, but I also know that actively looking for such a person often leads to failure.
The Saxophone
Oh, the saxophone. I feel like I’m both ok with being dragged deeper into the saxophone world, yet repulsed that that is the case. I still feel that learning contempory music is not going to help me at all when it comes to directing high school band. I am however starting to get into Mai, by Ryo Noda, a contemporary saxophone piece about a samurai.
Practicing this year is only a little different than it was last year. I still hate being in a practice room at all. I find that I love working on a new piece, but after getting the notes and rhythms of it, I get extremely bored. I’m afraid that I’ll never really perfect any single piece beyond ‘performable’. When I try to force myself to practice longer on a piece that I already have down, as far as notes and rhythms, I begin to really loathe that piece. The opposite is true however in quartet.
In quartet I almost always am sightreading the right notes and rhythms. I find joy in quartet when we have those true musical moments that come from lots of rehearsal past the basics of a piece. Our quartet is going to go far in this and coming years, and i can’t wait to see what happens.
Routines
I feel like something is missing this semester at CMU. I have all of my classes, and I’m keeping on top of homework better than I ever have before, CMENC is giving me some admin things to do, I’m practicing about 2-4ish hrs a day, as opposed to last year’s 1-3ish and I’m even finding time to read for enjoyment, but I still feel like not quite everything is where it should be. There were very few times I felt like this last year, and I’m starting to really wonder why. Last year I didn’t really settle into a routine until about the time of midterms… this year I’m already there.
I hate to come back to this, or whine about it, but I think that what I might be missing is that someone that I know I can share absolutely everything with.
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